Are you enough?

It can be completely isolating watching everyone's lives around you fall into place. People you know who just have things together, not easy necessarily but together. People you walked away from, relationships you felt confirmed to leave behind for the better, only to find those people also walking right into the fate scripted out for them. All the while you sit idly by, waiting and wishing that it'd be your turn. Taking a stand can only get you so far and thats usually straight to being president of the Ms. Independent Club. You can't force anyone's hand in the matter of love and futures. Women have been doing that for centuries and it generally leads to heartbreak and divorce lawyers. You want something real. Someone who sees you. If everyone else seems to be doing it, it can't be too difficult.

You begin to think its you. There's something about you that's off-putting and strange. And as the years move on without any change you begin to believe that its you. So what is that thing? What is it that makes them run from you straight into the loving arms of the next person? Do you lack something simple that everyone else seems to posses? Is it something you do subtly but also consistently that you've never noticed before? Do you not attract anyone? Are you enough? Are you what someone else would want?

All of these question reel around in your mind until you no longer see them as questions but suddenly its just matter within your being, threads that hold up your skeleton shell to mask the real flesh inside. The part of you that no one sees. You don't even recognize that person when you look her in the eyes in the mirror. She stares back at you with a blank but familiar stare. Her eyes penetrate your soul and you look away ashamed that she's seen inside you what you shelter from the world. Those parts of you that feel so deeply, so infectiously that you can't show them to anyone. Not even the girl in the mirror. Because they're real and raw and rare beyond recognition.